Three Times

I have lost everything I ever wanted three times in my life. This seems to be the trend and it shows no signs of ending any time soon. It would appear that I sabotage everything that I place value on and I have no one to blame but myself. I do not know how or why I do it. Probably some veiled attempt at protecting myself but in the end it just damages me anyway. I believe I am done. No more attempts. I can not take it anymore. This is the end. The turning away. I am incapable of living and loving in a possitive nurturing manner. I find I dont even know myself anymore. I have no joy, no passion, and no desire. I am empty and void.