Feeling the frustration

Well This morning on the way in to work, I lost power to the front end. Looks like the right front transaxle (suspicious major tear in the cv boot), could be the hub or the transmision. I had the joy of being an hour late and realizing that when I am done, the car is still sitting where I left it. If and when I get it fixed it will also then need a alignment. With all the snow and crap this has made for a joyous day.

WE are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems.

With wonderful deathless ditties
We build up the world's great cities,
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an empire's glory:
One man with a dream, at pleasure,
Shall go forth and conquer a crown;
And three with a new song's measure
Can trample an empire down.

We, in the ages lying
In the buried past of the earth,
Built Nineveh with our sighing,
And Babel itself with our mirth;
And o'erthrew them with prophesying
To the old of the new world's worth;
For each age is a dream that is dying,
Or one that is coming to birth.

-Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy

Strange

In the last three days I have been contacted by Scott(havent talked to in months), Mackenzie(havent talked to in 12 years), Jared (havent talked to in months), Kammun(havent talked to in months)and Erin(havent talked to in months). So strange for a guy whos phone rarely rings, all these people suddenly reach out. ? Changes are abound tonight.

Guess What

is playing at the magic lantern?

Are The Bones Of My Sins

Sharp enough
to cut thru my
excuses?

Maybe baby you don't

So, recently I have been thinking about things "I have never eaten a persimmon." for as long as I can remember, I have know Persimmons were a fruit that had to be ripe to eat. But I have never eaten one and had no idea how to eat one or to know if one was ripe. So, in the interest in expanding my palate to include things like Persimmons, Chesnuts, Parsnips etc I will soon be eating my first Persimmon.

http://www.wikihow.com/Eat-a-Persimmon

Now I see myself completly someone else

You know it is really kind of sad. I have been trying to think about the last time I really trully enjoyed a Christmas. A time, any time when I haven't been affected by some sort of deep and hollow sadness. Don't get me wrong, there have been times when I have been absolutely happy. Some more easily remembered than others butI have been on a search, kind of a personal journey so to speak to find out were this overwellming sadness comes from. I have yet to find the source but I do have several ideas... Anyway, these moods have always sort of rode the holidays or any other special event (I don't recall even a trip to the fair that ended well) one might spend with family or friends. It is kind of strange that most of the time I am just blissfully unaware then out of the blue it just hits me.

The ladder of the day I was born...

Her White wings trailing blood, Matt Hansen December 2007

Strange form of life

All I ever get for Christmas
When I was drinking
I gotta have you
I often dream of trains
Truly, Madly, Deeply
Falling slowly
Hell no
In the bleak midwinter
Deadman
They need you if they think you love them

What Lips My Lips Have Kissed

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply;
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands a lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet know its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone;
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Your death is always with you and it is the most attractive part of you. When people tell you they love your eyes, Or the way you walk, It is your mortality they're seeing.

Paul Williams

"How Am I Not Myself?"

More joy.
Taking the form of water.
Coming in over my sliding glass door.
I don't really have much to say.
Except.
Tryng to find a leak at 10pm in the wind and the rain and the dark is miserable.
I guess I have a wall to take out.

The search continues.

My black lightening heart circles again...

It is strange how quickly time moves. Well, I guess 'tis the season all over again. Time to get lit up and strung out. And no, I am not talking about Christmas lights. But, I will be squinting at them while I am persuing the afor mentioned activity... bring on the social lubricant. It is time for Christmas on the rocks.

How about a little mood music?

That was the worst christmas ever
Christmas card from a hooker in Minneapolis
Christmas song
Be my Valentine on Christmas
Christmas eve
Christmas past
I'm on fire

More than this...

I am pretty sure that it is times like last night that convince me that I don't really need anything more than this. I was standing on the back porch sipping a cup of smokey warm tea (Lapsang Souchong to be specific), listening to the quiet of the snow falling while the new Sigur Ros pulsed faintly in the background. It was a beautiful and majestic space of light/dark, warm/cold and quiet/sound that seemed to stretch out in a time out of time. like the world just paused. and as I paused I just drank it in. amazing. quiet. beauty. Is there really any need for more than this?