placing sandbags in the stairway of skin

Winter sounds like Cynthia.

We explained the glutton who is in the honey was burned and incinerated

Recently I saw an old family photo from 1972 (I was 4) of my grandparents at Priest lake and was reminded of how enduring love can/should be. I guess it kind of gives me something to hope for. They look so happy, Grandma in her multicolored scarf and Grandpa looking like he just pulled a prank. They both are holding lollipops. She did love her candy and he did like to make mischief.
Chris, my brother, also reminded me of the fact that after Grandma had her stroke, Grandpa cared for her at home for the 7 years until she passed. That is so sad and so beautiful at the same time.


"No one likes crying, but tears water our souls" -- Xinran

dream

Some tall skinny guy, that black guy Randy from american idol and myself were playing percussion. Every thing from vibes to kit. The tall skinny guy was brilliant and " trust me"was the only thing Randy said to me. Weirdness abounded, playing cymbals while they sat on snare heads etc. We did however recieve a standing ovation and in the dream, we sounded very cool.

Was it a vision, or a waking dream? Fled is that music:--do I wake or sleep? Keats 1795-1821 "Ode to a Nightingale"

gouge away

Having a lot of Samson refrences flying around lately I thought I might put in my two cents.

God was punishing the Israelites. Samsons birth is the begining of their deliverance. The S man was a judge for some 20 years. Samson has problems I.E. was a sucker for not one, but several different philistine women. The first was engaged to be his wife. You know the famous riddle... "Out of the eater, something to eat; out of the strong, something sweet." solved by his groomsmen after they "plowed with his heifer". His groomsmen solved the riddle because his betrothed gave them the answer. He killed 30 men to pay his wager. His fiance was later given to his best man and in his anger he tied the torches to the foxes and burned the fields. and then, she was burned by the Philistines along with her father for angering Samson and causing the whole mess. The second is a prostitute at Gaza with the whole carrying off the gates buisiness. And finally, the third is the infamous Delilah that cut his 7 locks of hair. It is after this that he is bound, blinded and grinds the grain. Later, he is allowed by God to extract his revenge for one of his two eyes and dies in the process. Tradition states he was removed from the rubble and he is buried near the tomb of his father Manoah.

The story is complex because I believe both Samson and the Philistines are doing the will of God. God is using the Philistines to punish Israel as well as using Samson to punish the Philistines. Fun Questions abound, like why is God's judge, (Israel had judges then instead of kings) wagering, visiting prostitutes and killing people out of anger, etc. But it seems to me that the point of the story has more to do with humility, Gods will and are inability to see it folow it or even comprehend it. We may have to suffer thru it. Perhaps even dying in the process. Some people believe the reason he lost his eyes is his temptation by/with the female, but I do not believe the women were ever really the problem or are even the point of the story. Yes, perhaps he was decieved by women, but more likely he let them take advantage of him because of his arrogance. Before he told Delilah how to take his strength away, he lied to her about it the first three times. First he is bound with fresh bowstrings. Then he is bound with new ropes. Thirdly he says he can be bound if his locks are woven together. She weaves them together, but he undoes them when he wakes. It sounds like he is the one deceiving her to me. Eventually Samson tells her his strength is in his uncut hair. Only a fool would think that she wasn't going to cut it. I mean, afterall, this is the fourth time with Delilah at least, remember he had secrets given away before with his betrothed. He was never decieved. He walked in wide eyed and left without them. I believe the loss of strength is from his arrogance, not literaly the cutting of his hair. It was never even his vow. His mother made it. He lived it. He got cocky. After being humbled his strength was returned when he looked to God for it. I also think his vengence for his eyes is what cost him his life nothing else.



Odi et amo. Quare id faciam fortasse requiris.
Nescio, sed fieri sentio, et excrucior. - Catullus - poem 85

Chasing the Eumenides

There is something of mine that has been taken/stolen. I am pissed. And I am sad. I am also unsure as to how I should behave or how to react because it is not literally an object. More like an idea. Anyway since I am loosing it/ have lost it. I find myself at odds since I never really understood it anyway. Does any of this make sense? Doesn't really make sense to me.

"Who overcomes
By force, hath overcome but half his foe." - John Milton

all fires

Sorry communication feel rather, rather incoherent... Last night played excluding the last without monitor. So no idea how sound, felt like dragging. Realisticly not to be worried. Gone and nothing to do. Next time? Will see. Want cigarette. Quit 3 months. Not sure if actually stick. To remove the arborvita. No real rootball don't think save it realistic. Wish had decent music shop. "She watches. Behind silence/electronic veil." I know. Worse on days she doesnt. Located temporary things? The previous list mp3s says? Am i/it just a list?


"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." - Thoreau - Walden

and so in vain

They heal the stings and wounds on my body
so torn apart and bloody...

In a mouth were the tongue is torn

ALEX DELIVERY
"Komad"

THE BESNARD LAKES
"And You Lied To Me"

THE BLACK ANGELS
"Passover The First Viet Nam War"

BLACK MOUNTAIN
"Druganaut"

COMPANY
"In the Jaws of the Lion"

DIRTY FACES
"Somnambulist's Vacation"
"New Wicked Stepson"
"1974"

JULIE DOIRON
"No More"
"Dance All Night"

HOME
"Bubble"

SIMON JOYNER
"One For The Catholic Girls"
"Medicine Blues"
"Happy Woman"

LADYHAWK
"War"
"The Dugout"

MANISHEVITZ
"Beretta"

MINUS STORY
"Little Wet Head"
"Time Wastes Itself"
"Joyless, Joyless"

NAGISA NI TE
"Anxiety"
"Bramble"

NURSE & SOLDIER
"Green Tea"

OAKLEY HALL
"Lazy Susan"

ODAWAS
"Alleluia"
"Benjamin"

OKKERVIL RIVER
"The President's Dead"
"No Key, No Plan"
"Black"
"For Real"
"It Ends With a Fall"

ONEIDA
"Up With People"
"Run Through My Hair"
"Wild Horses"

PARTS & LABOR
"A Great Divide"

PATRICK PHELAN
"Favor"

PINK MOUNTAINTOPS
"New Drug Queens"
"Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy"

SINOIA CAVES
"Naro Way"

SPOKANE
"Temporary Things"

SWAN LAKE
"All Fires"
"The Freedom"

THE SKYGREEN LEOPARDS
"Disciples of California"
"Julie-Anne, Patron of Thieves"
"Belle of the Woodman's Autumn Ball"
"Hill-Dwelling Bride"

WILDERNESS
"Emergency"
"Arkless"

RICHARD YOUNGS
"Sonar In My Soul"
"Sky Is Upon You"

nothing is innocent now

Recently, I dreamed I watched a ghost flicking the light switch on and off or should I say I watched a light switch flicking on and off. No one could be seen moving the switch so my assumption would be that it was a ghost. In the background, someone was screaming.

Me and my friend

cutting like the smoke thru your teeth

Julieta, my friend from Mexico, made a nice dinner last night. Sopa de albondigas, two kinds of rice, fresh homemade salsa verde and pan fried corn tortillas. There was so much food I was absolutely stuffed. Apparently I missed tacos the night before last. There is also the ongoing threat of breakfast burritos, as well as siveche'. I may just have to end up fat.

I wish I had a river

King of a small, small world

I have been listening to some KEXP seattle podcasts recently. Of intrest are Joseph Arthur, The Black angels, and Low fi in stereo. I rather miss being able to listen to a decent radio station. The local community radio here is o.k. even good at times but nothing like I remember KCMU. Perhaps I am just being nostalgic for the past, is that so bad? Sometimes, you can never go home.

big star

little star

The passing of the nian beast

I find the chinese calendar to be rather confusing... so even though I believe the actual first day of the new year is february 18? let me say, happy chinese new year. The year of the boar is upon us. open your windows at midnight to let out the old year. This is a time for renewal. Recently an extended family member tried to commit suicide. A Friends grandmother is dying. The world is filled with pain and suffering. We need to forget all the bullshit and focus on what is important. Let us remember family and friends at this time of rebirth. Live and love and share a smile.

missing something

.
.
.
I used to feel.

like an abscence
going on in front
of me
upwards and slightly to the right

now, I am unable to see it.

still it surrounds me
yet I cannot percieve it.

perhaps it is a choice as such
and in itself sub conscious

to close the doors of perception

perchance they just sealed themselves

or responded...
albeit slowly
to your closing.

I feel it here
in the empty spaces
where I used to touch
haunting me
at a distance
in the dark

wearing a shrouded veil
of mist and rain

could I just pull it back
and see
the watchers watching me

I recently found out about the murder of Adrienne Shelly

She was murdered in november 2006. As an actress she was one of my favorites. Here is a list of her films.
The Unbelievable Truth (1989)
Trust (1990)
Big Girls Don't Cry... They Get Even (1992)
Hexed (1993)
Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me (1993)
The Road Killers (1994)
Teresa's Tattoo (1994)
Road (1994)
Sleep With Me (1994)
Sudden Manhattan (1996)
Grind (1996)
Wrestling With Alligators (1999)
I'll Take You There (1999)
Dead Dog (2000)
Revolution #9 (2001)
The Sea (2002)
In the Company of Women (2004)
Factotum (2005)
Waitress

The past several days

I have been feeling kind of ambivalent. Maybe I just dont really have anything to say. I am supposed to be going to the V.I.P. Preview of the international auto show tonight and I am not sure that I want to. Yeah, look at new cars and drink/eat free wine and hors d'oevres... somehow I am just not sure it interests me at the moment. I probably would get more satisfaction out of watching a movie. Maybe "Smokin aces" I guess what I need right now is some big guns, asskicking, explosions and whatnot.


"He who weilds the knife never wears the crown" Michael Heseltine

I think I've decided

I absolutely want a Yurt.

the always sexy Carla Bozulich

12/8 (5/8 + 7/8), 13/8 (6/8 + 7/8)

searching for God on an empty stomach

I sat looking deep into the universe and dreamed that we were strangers.

Friday Night phone calls

Friday night I recieved a series of phone calls. My first thought was that it was Ashley crank calling me like she loves to do. I always play along. Her friends always know to much and at some point I realized it wasn't. Anyway, sometimes I think I am crazy because I just know things (or think I do). So here goes... she said her name was cynthia. I do not know if that is true but I feel her friends call her something more familiar like Sam or something short. She said she was at Catacombs and that she would like to fuck sometime. This didn't ring true either. To many pauses and what not.

You know if you listen you can hear the truth in peoples voices.
perhaps that is why IM, TEXT and BLOGGING are so popular these days. Because you can't feel it, the truth that is.

So Sam or whatever your name is, from the sound of your voice, I dont believe you are/were in Spokane. You feel somehow more "California" I guess, if that makes any sense. I also think that you are in a relationship with someone you love. or maybe that is just your child. you are a mother? at first I thought 2 daughters but now I believe only one. Probably 26ish, brunette, cute.
Stubborn. you definitly feel stubborn.
Anyway, I feel you were calling simply to try and make a fool out of me. I do hope you got a kick out of it. I do not know why you would call me because as far as I know you don't even know me and I sure as hell don't know you.
There are alot more important things to do in life than teasing lonely old ignorant bastards...
So my suggestion is this, Hug your daughter, she will grow up way too fast. Mother is the word for God to a child you know. Don't just go back to your dead end job doing whatever it is you do. Live your Bliss. You know you want to.

apparently, I have beaten the horse to death.

funny how, in the end, some things stay the same no matter how hard you try and change them. I guess I never will be understood or even understand myself because I exist only in response to others and can never know myself because I know no other.

dream

Last night I dreamt of deer. In an office building. There were many but the two that I noticed had 1 antler each. Ones antlers had 6 points. The others was weirdly long and straight. They were jousting like deer do. The antlers still had the velvet on.

Whatever the hell that means.