a painful magic made of love and anguish.

My buddy Marty just gave me a couple of fresh crabs that he got on his trip... so dinner tonight should be nice. Looking forward to the inevitability of sore fingertips and probably a couple of sharp pokes. Whole crab is on the menu tonight regardless of the fact that there is perhaps percentage wise more work than meat. A nice bottle of Nobilo Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc 2006 should make the evening pleasant enough...

My uninvited traveling companions (shadows and demons)

Well, it looks like the results of the civil portion of my accident are finaly in... I'm screwed.
The medical portion is still pending.

Perhaps they will kiss me first.

Free from my past... free from my future too.

Just pushing, the darkness around

Watching the moon tonight. Even though I missed it. and yes I know it happened this morning...

Growling at the empties and cigarette butts

Well, it appears to be time to start the workout up again. Jim is upset because he gained 15 pounds. I am basicaly the same as when we stopped although I did start smoking again. So it would appear to be time to start reducing the beer consumption and the cigarettes again. Oh the joys, but it is good for me and makes a huge difference in how I feel. I think I miss the yoga and the stretching the most...

show me your ocean breadth... kiss the tears that stain my neck

The car is acting up again... I don't really have an answer as to what the hell it is. This time it died on the freeway and I barely managed to get off the road. So I guess everything is wonderful because I did get off the road. I did manage to get the car to start. I did get to a place I could park it and I did connect with a ride to Dale's bar-b-que. So all things said. The shit may not stop, but somehow I manage to press on anyway.

your a map of a place maybe someday I'll go...

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. ~William Dement

Some guardian in my empty room

Dream: Leaning against a hay bale in a dry dirty meadow reading a beat up paperback. It read like a biography written as poetry about addiction. It also had little pills, about an 1/8th of an inch long, glued to the page. It contained commentary on the 6 stages of addiction and talked about separating the "pros" from the "players" by "breaking out the straw". I was rudely interupted by three vintage cars driving seemingly anywhere and everywhere but the road. While looking more like the keystone cops than anything else, the first two cars bounce/race/ swerve their way past me piloted by two older women. Then came along the one with the ratty old European ( like the blind taxi driver in "Everything is Illuminated") looking dude in it. As it bounced by in front of me, a hay bale fell out of the overstuffed open trunk. Without even stoping, the old dude step falls out of the car and scampers his way back to gather up the hay bale. All the while the car continues to bounce and drive around by itself, although not very quickly. He grabs the bale with one hand and drags it along, while half running and half dancing a jig with odd looking foot flourishes. He continues to fall down / get up and tip his hat to me acting like it is some sort of show and he is playing for tips or something. I was trying to get back to the 6 stages when the alarm clock rang...

Autumn spirits descending

Just some silly pictures I have been playing with. I do happen to like the textures I am getting. Yes I know that there could be some judicious croping done but for now this is it.

Transclucent memories and the twisted struggle of subtle self medication

Currently debating a trip to bumbershoot 2007... 1,2 or 3 days? Platinum pass? Gas, Transport etc. The logistics may be to much for me but I guess it all boils down to, "who do I really want to see?"
Saturday possibles: The Shins, Gogol Bordello ( I love the gypsy 2 step feel), The Avett Brothers, Menomena and Yungchen Lhamo.
Sunday possibles: Kings of Leon, Andrew Bird, The Apples in stereo, Devendra Banhart and The Nick Drake words & music forum (Nicks compositions will be played, discussed, and recognized by John Wesley Harding, Ian Ball [of Gomez], Damien Jurado and others. Journalist and music historian Kurt B. Reighley will moderate.)
Monday possibles: Joss Stone, Kultur Shock, Allison Moorer and My Brightest Diamond.

That doesn't even include time for the art, the film festival or the inevitable daily trip to the "Portable Confessional Units". I haven't even decided if I am going to be able to go yet and I am sorting out day plans. Sick huh?

The beauty of mornings light

Well, it would seem that I am making some progress. I have begun shuffling the music topic stuff over to the 7soundhouse page. That is what it was intended for. Please accept my appologies because sometimes I get a little bleed over and I don't know if that will ever really stop. I will try to limit it to lyrics from here on out but sometimes it relates directly to my mood, emotional state or carrys the feeling of the space I am in at the time of the post. We will see how it goes.

Can't believe it is friday again already. Time is really moving on. Ha
Later

The consuming hunger of darkness

Last night I barbqued up a rib eye, had a nice ceasar salad, mashed potatoes and some oat nut bread. Topped it off with a couple 3 beers. The night was beautiful and comfortable. I had a nice night in general. Again the poor man eats like a prince. or something.

Excuse me while I break my heart

I believe I have finaly sorted out the stalling problem with the car... There are two hoses coming out the top of the pcv valve one is a vacuum hose that I believe goes to a pcrv (pressure conscious reducing valve) for the purpose of recuirculating crankcase gasses. It seems that when hot the hose collapses at the pcv valve, shutting of the vacuum and choking out the motor. I hope replacing this hose should fix the problem.

was Jerusalem builded here among these dark satanic mills?

The debate for today seems to be... do I go to the Pato Banton show tonight? (I already have a pair of tickets) Or take myself out to the movies? Say something like Stardust? Funny to me that I know I would absolutely love the reggae show. Pato is great. But somehow I feel I am just not in the mood. Not feelin the vibration mon'. Not in the right place so to speak. I think perhaps I need something more solitary or aloof, antisocial, cloistered, companionless, deserted, distant, hermitical, hidden, introverted, isolated, misanthropic, reclusive, secluded, separate, sequestered, standoffish, unaccompanied and or withdrawn

THERE AINT NO "LIKE IT IS"

last night, strange dreams are abound again...

#1 This time I was bitten three times on my left arm by what would presumably be the worlds smallest rattle snake before I cut it in half.

#2 I was looking for BCT to make a delivery (For some reason in a mall were cavanaughs is in the tri-villages) but kept running thru a fancy resturaunt/bar. On the counter was the largest bottle of beer I have ever seen. I kept thinking I know that brand but could never quite remember the name. Some sort of subconcious recognition. I would say the bottle would hold maybe 75 gallons. Yeah I know, too hard to tip to have a drink, but it was sitting on the bar like someone had ordered it.

The heart that struggles and chokes

On all the things it no longer knows.

Funny, this saturday at a little after six, I got really moody. The experience was not really like being sad or depressed but as I sat (playing Tetris) a overwelming feeling came over me. Very weird. I cant quite pin it down exactly, not quite loss, but more like missing something you gave away but should have kept? I dont know, not really sadness or remorse or regret. The strangest thing is that I can't quite put my finger on it. I had been planning on barbqueing a nice rib eye and having a bacon, prawns, Arugala and cherry tomato salad tossed with a dressing of balsamic e.v.o.o. pepper and yogurt, but I got so "whatevered" out that I ended up baking a pizza instead. Yeah I know I should have had the steak and salad but I no longer wanted to cook.
I am also quiting the smokes again and right now, I really want one. probably more for the boredom,the tactile sensation and the burning in the back of my mouth than for the nicotine...

Drinking to a painting in a cheap hotel

Handing out stones in the place where the white roses fell...

Last night I had a dream I assaulted someone while he slept. A group of us took turns. Mine, a cold hearted shot to the head with its sickening sound of bone and meat being hit by something heavy was the last one.
I don't recall if there was a reason. I do recall that later in the dream he (the unkown victim of our assault) asked me if I had and I said yes. It seemed like it was no big deal. Like he didn't really care and he showed no signs of being beaten.
Later, I woke up and while walking to get a glass of water I could swear I saw the silhouettes of dragons (the asian kind) floating around in the dark...

The awful sudden darkness lighted by flying sparks and the screams of the injured and dying...

Relatives! And somehow, I am the one who is weird?

Understated & Misunderstood

Recent scribbles

"Experience, which destroys innocence, also leads one back to it.”

The last time, you looked in my mirror...

Today, is apparently a day of memories. or at least of memories triggered by and or associated with specific smells. Defined by even. Like the smell of a newly opened pack of cigarettes transporting me back to a specific day when I was 16 or the delicious smell of gasoline taking me to the lake as a child; trolling, with my grandfather at the old outboard motor. Its funny, I can almost see iridescent shimmer of the oil still floating on the water.

Needless to say, this day is awash with memories.
Defined by memories.

My life as a b movie

I guess I feel like I have been allowing my multiple blogs to sort of bleed together. you know, music bleeding in over here, stuff bleeding out over there... I am not really sure if that makes a difference or not. I am currently debating combining them all or just seperating them again... maybe just take them down altogether since I don't really feel like I am saying anything. This could all just go in the journal. Am I just another person with a pointless unneeded point of view? Do I even have a point of view? Yeah, whatever, I dont know...