I wish I had a river

King of a small, small world

I have been listening to some KEXP seattle podcasts recently. Of intrest are Joseph Arthur, The Black angels, and Low fi in stereo. I rather miss being able to listen to a decent radio station. The local community radio here is o.k. even good at times but nothing like I remember KCMU. Perhaps I am just being nostalgic for the past, is that so bad? Sometimes, you can never go home.

big star

little star

The passing of the nian beast

I find the chinese calendar to be rather confusing... so even though I believe the actual first day of the new year is february 18? let me say, happy chinese new year. The year of the boar is upon us. open your windows at midnight to let out the old year. This is a time for renewal. Recently an extended family member tried to commit suicide. A Friends grandmother is dying. The world is filled with pain and suffering. We need to forget all the bullshit and focus on what is important. Let us remember family and friends at this time of rebirth. Live and love and share a smile.

missing something

.
.
.
I used to feel.

like an abscence
going on in front
of me
upwards and slightly to the right

now, I am unable to see it.

still it surrounds me
yet I cannot percieve it.

perhaps it is a choice as such
and in itself sub conscious

to close the doors of perception

perchance they just sealed themselves

or responded...
albeit slowly
to your closing.

I feel it here
in the empty spaces
where I used to touch
haunting me
at a distance
in the dark

wearing a shrouded veil
of mist and rain

could I just pull it back
and see
the watchers watching me

I recently found out about the murder of Adrienne Shelly

She was murdered in november 2006. As an actress she was one of my favorites. Here is a list of her films.
The Unbelievable Truth (1989)
Trust (1990)
Big Girls Don't Cry... They Get Even (1992)
Hexed (1993)
Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me (1993)
The Road Killers (1994)
Teresa's Tattoo (1994)
Road (1994)
Sleep With Me (1994)
Sudden Manhattan (1996)
Grind (1996)
Wrestling With Alligators (1999)
I'll Take You There (1999)
Dead Dog (2000)
Revolution #9 (2001)
The Sea (2002)
In the Company of Women (2004)
Factotum (2005)
Waitress

The past several days

I have been feeling kind of ambivalent. Maybe I just dont really have anything to say. I am supposed to be going to the V.I.P. Preview of the international auto show tonight and I am not sure that I want to. Yeah, look at new cars and drink/eat free wine and hors d'oevres... somehow I am just not sure it interests me at the moment. I probably would get more satisfaction out of watching a movie. Maybe "Smokin aces" I guess what I need right now is some big guns, asskicking, explosions and whatnot.


"He who weilds the knife never wears the crown" Michael Heseltine

I think I've decided

I absolutely want a Yurt.

the always sexy Carla Bozulich

12/8 (5/8 + 7/8), 13/8 (6/8 + 7/8)

searching for God on an empty stomach

I sat looking deep into the universe and dreamed that we were strangers.

Friday Night phone calls

Friday night I recieved a series of phone calls. My first thought was that it was Ashley crank calling me like she loves to do. I always play along. Her friends always know to much and at some point I realized it wasn't. Anyway, sometimes I think I am crazy because I just know things (or think I do). So here goes... she said her name was cynthia. I do not know if that is true but I feel her friends call her something more familiar like Sam or something short. She said she was at Catacombs and that she would like to fuck sometime. This didn't ring true either. To many pauses and what not.

You know if you listen you can hear the truth in peoples voices.
perhaps that is why IM, TEXT and BLOGGING are so popular these days. Because you can't feel it, the truth that is.

So Sam or whatever your name is, from the sound of your voice, I dont believe you are/were in Spokane. You feel somehow more "California" I guess, if that makes any sense. I also think that you are in a relationship with someone you love. or maybe that is just your child. you are a mother? at first I thought 2 daughters but now I believe only one. Probably 26ish, brunette, cute.
Stubborn. you definitly feel stubborn.
Anyway, I feel you were calling simply to try and make a fool out of me. I do hope you got a kick out of it. I do not know why you would call me because as far as I know you don't even know me and I sure as hell don't know you.
There are alot more important things to do in life than teasing lonely old ignorant bastards...
So my suggestion is this, Hug your daughter, she will grow up way too fast. Mother is the word for God to a child you know. Don't just go back to your dead end job doing whatever it is you do. Live your Bliss. You know you want to.

apparently, I have beaten the horse to death.

funny how, in the end, some things stay the same no matter how hard you try and change them. I guess I never will be understood or even understand myself because I exist only in response to others and can never know myself because I know no other.

dream

Last night I dreamt of deer. In an office building. There were many but the two that I noticed had 1 antler each. Ones antlers had 6 points. The others was weirdly long and straight. They were jousting like deer do. The antlers still had the velvet on.

Whatever the hell that means.