Sadly, the air between us became tigers...again

You know it is funny and sad that things have to be this way. I hate the fact that this stuff is always coming up. We do seem to get along fine. Most of the time anyway. I do however find it funny that if she gets mad at me and goes off, then I just have to deal with it. But, if I get upset at her and vent a little, I am the devil. It does always seem to me to revolve around one thing. I feel like every other conversation I am being reminded that, "things are different now" or "I will not be alone" etc. the funny thing is there is not a chance i could forget or would. I am reminded of it every day I get up alone from my empty bed to my empty apartment to go to work and come home alone. Believe me I am painfully aware that things are different now and I dont want to be reminded every time I talk with her. Sadly, sometimes I feel like my life would be easier, not better mind you, just easier if I never had to see or hear from her again. It disgusts me that I am not a strong enough person to deal with it.