Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I beat a man once because I seen her cry

Recipe: Peach gelato

Total time: 20 minutes, plus 2 1/2 hours freezing time

Servings: 6 to 8

Note:From Sicilian chef Ciccio Sultano, singled out by Gambero Rosso as one of Italy's great young chefs, he cooked at Valentino as part of their 30th anniversary celebration in 2003 I believe. The peach flavor is amazing. The texture should be somewhere between soft-serve ice cream and dense, chewy gelato. Depending on the sweetness of your peaches, you may want to add more sugar.

3 pounds peaches, peeled and pitted

1/4cup sugar, or more, to taste

1/2 cup mascarpone, crème fraîche or yogurt

1. Cut the peaches into very small pieces. The smaller you cut them, the faster they will freeze and the finer the final texture will be. Arrange the peach pieces in a single layer on a rimmed cookie sheet and freeze solid, about 2 hours.

2. Put the frozen peach pieces in a food processor with the sugar and grind briefly. Add the mascarpone and pulse until the mixture is smooth.

3. Empty the food processor into a small container and freeze again, 20 to 30 minutes, before serving. If the ice cream freezes solid, simply process it briefly again before serving.

Yonder sky that has wept tears of compassion on our fathers for centuries untold, and which, to us, looks eternal, may change.

Today it is fair, tomorrow it may be overcast with clouds.
-Sealth

Thinking about things like compassion/forgivness lately. And the idea that perhaps I have held to tightly to my pain while using it to define myself as one of the major things in my life. And the fact that it has cost me, my children and those around me regardless of my intentions. It has come to be the one thing I know. I am not sure I like that. I don't know how to do anything else. I know it is a mechanism I use to protect myself. But knowing it and changing it are two very different things.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

in the jaws of the lion

that's were the lamb lies down

Monday, May 07, 2007

Indifference, Death and a taste for Gin: or the chain on your heart and the mouth of a serpent

How funny yet sad it is that it takes someones death to force us to realize how much we still care for someone. Even after that person has wounded us to our very core and chosen to live a different life than the one we had intended.

Trissa,
In the end, the fact that you died in your sleep of natural causes is more than we could have hoped/asked for..

I pray you've found some sort of peace.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Adolescent in my wish as well as my disappointment...

Trissa died this morning. I found out from my father because I missed Ashley’s call. Funny, after everything, I found out the hard way that I still cared about this woman. I was pretty sure I had removed every last little bit of that but apparently I was wrong. Her death and this realization threw me for a bit of a loop and kind of knocked me down a peg of two.

Sadly I never saw a time when she was able be a mother to my children again.

Rumor had it she was clean for about a month. Apparently she was on oxygen because after all she did to herself, her lungs just couldn’t keep up. My hope is that her body just got too tired to go on, that it was not an over dose.

I never really saw her suffering. I don't know what kept eating at her. Was she punishing her self? Was she trying to escape? I will never really know. I do know it effected every one around her. I hope she found some sort of peace.

I am so full of mixed emotions. Mad at her for doing this to herself, Ashley, Raelynn and I, not to mention her parents and other family. Relieved, that the back and forth swing is finally over. Sad that it had to end this way. God damn it, she was the mother of my children. She should have cared for them instead of stealing from them. No matter how bad she had to feed the junkie.

Ashley was a mess on the phone acting strong. Raelynn sounded fine, probably the influence of Ray her fiancé, holding her together.

What a fine mess we find ourselves in.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Snow falls in December

and apparently in May as well. Strange mini snow shower on the way in to work this morning.

Thinking of going to M.A.C. to see Sue, or at least her replica, she doesn't actualy go anywhere.

Two words... MMMM Feist. talk about it later.

Two more, last IF "remember" this IF "neighbor".

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Poetry, Metaphysics and Little Wooden Stars

It has been said, "... indifference is the best revenge" and perhaps that is why I must remember. I am sure at times I have seemed that way but I have never intended to. We all have our own ways to peace. Yours and mine just don't match up. There is however the clamor of all those anxious things behind me that someday will light the path to all of the things in front of me. I try for that, it is my intent. For what it is worth you amaze me. I wish I was ready for you.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Aint no reason

There ain't no reasons things are this way
Its how they've always been and they intend to stay
I can't explain why we live this way
We do it everyday

Preachers on the podiums speaking to saints
Prophets on the sidewalks begging for change
Old ladies laughing from the fire escape, cursing my name

I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same
A window and a pigeon with a broken wing
You can spend your whole life working for something
Just to have it taken away

People walk around pushing back their desks
Wearing pay checks like necklaces and bracelets
Talking 'bout nothing, not thinking about their
Every little heart beat, every little breath

People walk a tight rope on a razor's edge
Carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons
It could be a bomb or a bullet or a pin
Or a thought or a word or a sentence.

There ain't no reasons things are this way
Its how they've always been and they intend to stay
I don't know why i say the things i say,
But i say them anyway.


But love will come set me free
Love will come set me free
I do believe
Love will come set me free
I know it will
Love will come set me free
Yes


Prison walls still standing tall, Some things never change at all

Keep on building prisons,Gonna fill them all.

Keep on building bombs, Gonna drop them all

Working your fingers bare to the bone
Breaking your back, make you sell your soul
Like a lung is filled with coal, suffocating slow

The wind blows wild and i may move
But politicians lie and i'm not fooled
You don't need no reason or a 3 piece suit
To argue the truth

The air in my skin and the world under my toes
Labor is stitched into the fabric of my clothes
Chaos and commotion wherever i go
Love, i try to follow

Love will come set me free
Love will come set me free
I do believe
Love will come set me free
I know it will
Love will come set me free
Yes

There ain't no reasons things are this way
Its how they've always been and they intend to stay
I can't explain why we live this way;
We do it everyday.

-Brett Dennen

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Pulling things back together (the vent)

Well, finally got my new phone since the last one crapped out.

Got the apartment damn near ready to rent out. (thank god. it was killing me.) Just a few more minor things. Then its just new toilet seats and a light fixture for mine. see Naked, Bleeding, Holding a knife. Yeah I know it has been four months but at least I am finally getting around to it.

Was given a real nice vacuum. yeah! Damn thing sounds like a jet airplane but quiet.

A person who will remain nameless has been creating and sending resumes on my computer during work hours. I want to condone the finding of another job but not the use of my computer during work, she should at least do that kind of thing on her lunch.

Lastly, to all you older ladies who think it makes you cool/hip when you mistake my wooden earings for buffalo horn, or bone for plastic etc. I guess the question is subjective but no, I am not making them "real big" or even kind of big for that matter. You can wonder but dont ask cuz your questions are getting annoying.