So I have recieved a "toast" from Jezebelle. It seems funny since I havn't heard from her in a while. But, I do appreciate it very much. I do think that 2006 will never qualify for being called my favorite year. There are good ones and there are bad ones. I believe 2006 qualifies as the later. I do feel 2007 is going to be good for multiple reasons. 1) it has my number in it. 2) I saw a deer outside my home at christmas. (good omen kind of thing). 3) there really is no where to go but up. 4) After some time (1 year to be exact) I believe I may finally be finishing grieving.
But, so starts the difficulty. See I believe that whenever a long term relationship falls apart there are so many different overwhelming feelings. Loneliness, fear, frustration, guilt etc just to name a few. And after you have dealt with all of those, it still takes some time to get excited about being single again (or at least I feel it should). and then, just when you get excited about being single again you end up at the realization that finding some one you want to be with, you know, a quality girl is much easier said than done.
Don't get me wrong, there are lots of nice girls out there. they just dont feel right to me. I "need" to feel some sort of spiritual connection. Maybe I am just too picky but I find it impossible to just be with the next thing that comes along. I need to be drawn in even though I try to fight it. To be, unable to resist it. I guess it is my test to make sure it is real.
Anyway, I do believe this is going to be a good year.
I want to thank Jezebelle for her kind words.
It was nice to hear from her.
"all the things you broke in me
were mostly broken anyway"
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